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Things I have learned…
2006 is almost over. As I sit at the computer, I reflect on the past week. As a family, we decided to spend the holidays alone…with just the immediate family. It’s given me time to rest and reflect. This is good.
I’ve thought about what I’ve learned about being healthy in 2006. Here is some food for thought. (yes, pun intended)
1. Being at a healthy weight does not mean that the work is over. It means that I must work even harder to stay aware of what got me to being unhealthy in the first place; too much food, poor food choices and inactivity.
2. Everything counts. Yes, every BLT (bite lick and taste) counts and if it doesn’t show up this week, it will next. It counts when you sneak “just one” out of the box, eat it standing in front of the fridge or in your car when noone is looking.
3. Portion control does matter. I have learned that I have to be ok - and more importantly, am OK with just one serving. A proper serving size - not what I convince myself that I need for whatever reason.
4. I am and always will be an emotional eater. I eat when I am “stressed, hungry, angry, lonely and tired”…all or one of them. I have to continue to set myself up for success by maintaining a healthy lifestyle to deal with those emotions and to be aware of them all the time.
5. Exercise is an integral part of being healthy. The formula for losing weight is simple…it really is. More calories expended than what is taken in. That being said, exercising helps you do that, but more importantly for me, it helps me deal with stress and makes me feel so much better. I am strong and fit…and that feels good.
6. I have to ask for what I need. The people in my life are not mind readers - especially my husband, so asking for help, time, support and just to be left alone to think is imperative. Being assertive is necessary, not evil.
7. This is about being “healthy” - emotionally, physically, spiritually and it is a constant learning process. Just because I am at a healthy weight does not mean that there isn’t more to learn - about health, my body and my emotional being.
8. I have a responsibility - to my family to be the best I can be, to lead by example and to give my children the opportunity for a healthy future.
9. Opportunity is available for everyone to be healthy. Everyone and anyone can do it. I firmly believe it because I talk the talk and walk the walk.
10. It’s up to me.
Best wishes for a healthy 2007.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 4:02 pm
Give Yourself the Gift of Value
That’s going to be the name of my newest keynote presentation…and although it’s going to be sharing what I know about body image/self image…today it represents something else.
It’s almost Christmas. My children are at the rink and my house is quiet. The lights are on the house and I’ve just plugged in the tree. The Christmas music is in the background. This will be a great holiday season.
Our family has decided to declutter our holidays and bring it back to what we value - our family. Our immediate family, ourselves and our health. Too often, I’ve been caught up in the whirlwind of the season, become very cranky and irritable, made poor health choices…and everyone else in my family pays the price for it. Not this year.
This past year, I’ve truly begun to understand what it means to value myself. Me. Do you value yourself?
I think often as Mothers, wives, partners, daughters, employees, etc. we make sure that we take care of everyone who is important in our lives. After all, aren’t we caregivers? Isn’t that what we’re suppose to do? That’s what everyone else tells us. Surprisingly though, we forget about us in the equation. We forget to take care of #1. We let our healthy food choices slide, go without quality sleep, exercise flies out the window and we end up tired and exhausted. Suddenly, with the best of intent, we aren’t taking care of the most important person in the wheel. How did that happen?
We need good, quality food to fuel our bodies. We need quality sleep and the appropriate amounts of it so our body can rest and restore. Exercise is an integral part of keeping us fit, strong and keeping illness at bay. Our weight as it relates to our health is a “controllable risk factor”. We are in charge of what happens to us - yes, even during the busy holiday season.
Last night, a friend - Kathy told me what happened to her this week. Five years ago at Christmas, she was diagnosed with Cancer. It was a hard fought battle, made complicated by the fact that she was overweight. Last Christmas, she came to me asking for guidance in how to get healthy (because that’s what we’re about). In 10 months, she lost over 70lbs. Upon visiting her oncologist this past week for a check up, he advised her that the single most effective thing she did to better her health was this: LOSE WEIGHT.
Kathy realized over the past year and possibly the past 5 years that she needed to value herself. She realized that she was worth giving time and energy to.
If you can give your family a gift this season and more importantly, yourself - Give yourself the gift of “value”.
Kathy - thank you for perspective.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 8:30 pm
Things I have learned….
This past week, I attended a conference in Vancouver for the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers. Not only did I meet amazing motivators, trainers, facilitators, but I came away truly impacted by the presentations of many amazing people.
I listened specifically to what two women said, and quietly chuckled to myself. Their messages were very simple, but very poignant and were definitely ones I have chosen to live by. They were also how I chose to get healthy.
Suzie Humphreys (www.suziehumphreys.com) shared her life story about growing up, making choices, becoming an actor, having a tv show, going broke and staging a comeback. She credits her success, with enormous attitude, to her life mantra….Are you ready? Here it is…. I CAN DO THAT!
That is the approach we all have to take to getting healthy - not losing weight. I CAN DO THAT! I can walk for 20 minutes today. I can drink only 1 glass of wine at dinner. I can fill up 1/2 my plate with vegetables. I can lose 5lbs….(in my case, 16x’s over). It’s called - positive attitude with positive self talk. I CAN DO THAT!
The second speaker who made impact on me was a woman named Amanda Gore (www.amandagore.com). She speaks to many different things, but when faced with trial, her philosophy is simple and effective. You see, all the time, people give me excuses - yes, excuses as to why they cannot get healthy. ie “I’ve tried, it doesn’t work.” “I’m in menopause.” “I haven’t anytime” “It’s too expensive” “My life is too stressed”
Amanda’s advice is sage and simple….”Build a bridge and get over it”. “Build a bridge and get over it.” “Build a bridge and get over it.”
Making healthy choices doesn’t “not” work…it does. You haven’t worked. Menopause is not an excuse to not be healthy. Yes, it changes things, so you need to adapt. If you haven’t anytime now for health, then you will be making time for illness later. Abusing your body is more costly than just money. You pay in attitude, relationships, work life, and how you live. Stress is a wonderful excuse, but as my Gramps used to say….”Stress, ha! In my day, we just called it life.!” BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT. I CAN DO THAT!
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 2:19 pm
Canada - A Fat Nation
This week, in many of Canada’s papers, was a series of articles on the obesity epidemic in Canada. The final part of the series, included an interview with Gail Waller, the woman who contributed a piece to our very own “A Weighty Issue” - November. In this newsletter, Gail chronicles her loss of 100lbs and then the struggle to not regain, unsuccessfully, the weight. Gail to date has added 30lbs to her frame, but still fights the fight. That we know and applaud her for. (http://tinyurl.com/yb3wst)
The series chronicled a man who had gastric bypass surgery, overweight teens attending a fat camp, people who lost and regained some…but no successful losers (regardless of how they lost weight). Why not?
In the last article, it mentioned a professor from Ryerson University claiming that it takes near obsessive behaviour, 1300 calories/day, excessive weighing and 1 hour or more of cardio/workouts per day.
WRONG.
I’m not obsessive, I’m aware. I weigh myself weekly, absolutely. I have a 4lbs range and if I get out of that range, I nip it in the bud, now. I didn’t ever weigh myself before and look where that got me - to an overwhelming 320lbs. People ask all the time how I got that big. Here it is in a nutshell - I ate what I wanted, never moved my body and never, ever weighed myself. That’s how.
I do exercise - 5 times per week, for at least 45 min. I run, I play volleyball, I park my car far away and walk to the store, I walk my dog, I ride my bike. Not to lose weight, but to be HEALTHY. You see, that’s why people put on their weight again. This is not about denying yourself food for a period of time. This is about making healthy choices because you want to be HEALTHY….and making those choices everyday.
I have no idea the calorie count of what I eat. I eat whole grains, lean meats, lots of fruit and veggies. I drink milk. I enjoy 2 coffees everyday. I drink water because it makes exercising easier when I’m hydrated and it’s good for me. I stop eating when I’m satisfied - not full. That requires that I pay attention to my body. I listen. I’m okay with one serving.
I’m not always successful. Sometimes I’m just plain hungry, angry, lonely or tired and the food wins. Guess what? The next day I pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.
That’s what makes a successful loser. Be aware. Be forgiving. Love yourself. Learn. Know that you are worth the effort. Spread the word that it can be done….IT CAN.
“A candle lighting another loses nothing”.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 12:47 pm
If you are going to doubt something….doubt your limits
As the holidays approach, I’m reminded of a number of issues that cause me angst during the season.
I’m an emotional eater. Even though I’ve lost 160lbs and work to successfully maintain that, I’m still an emotional eater. This weekend, I head back to my family home for a birthday celebration for my Father. Normally a joyous occasion, this one already has me uptight.
Why? Because being around my family drives me to eat. I revert to being an awkward, overweight, insecure 14year old girl around them. (In my family, I was the smart one, the girl with a pretty face (shame about the rest of you…comment was frequently heard)) Every remark seems like a barb. Every long stare from my Mother feels like judgement about my hair, clothes, body. Every question seems like a condescending intrusion. Issues? Absolutely. So, what am I going to do to deal with this?
Before my wellness initiative, I followed the old adage “Don’t talk with your mouth full” - and took it quite literally. I kept my mouth full the entire time I was around my family. Worked well, so I thought. I comforted myself with food…kept those awful insecurities at bay..and then it backfired with feelings of extreme guilt and anxiety.
Geneen Roth (www.geneenroth.com) writes in this months Prevention Magazine about some of the emotional triggers that set us off over the holidays. She refers to this trigger as “going home makes you act like a child”. Never to be considered an “underachiever”, I also fit the bill as a person who is “surrounded by tempting food”. It is, after all, a birthday celebration.
To deal with the first trigger, Ms. Roth suggests reminding yourself that you are an adult. How am I going to do this? I’m going to surround myself with my children and husband. I’m going to wear my wedding rings as a reminder, an anchor of my adult self. I’m also going to spend time with my husband by going out on Friday night. It’ll keep me in the “now” - a healthy and positive adult relationship. Dear Hubby and I will make a trip to the grocery store for healthy food choices. We will also contribute to the party food Saturday night by making healthy dips/veggies, pitas and fruit for the special occassion.
As an emotional eater, the first step to reconciliation is recognition. This is what I do when I’m in this circumstance. How do I deal with this? While in conversation yesterday with a life coach, I asked her about emotional eating. She said one thing in particular that really stood out as a tool in how to deal with this. She asked me “Who were you/where were you at when you WEREN’t using food to cope with your emotions?” Answer that.
I wasn’t tired, stressed and overwhelmed. I felt strong and fit physically, emotionally and mentally. I felt confidence and security in my body, my mind and my role within in family, society. When I’m not emotionally eating, I smile, I laugh, I breathe, I forgive and move on.
This weekend, that’s my short term goal - to take with me and keep with me the grown up/adult Stephanie.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 1:59 pm
The Gift of Time
It’s been a week since I last blogged. I had the gift of time and I had my soul fix.
The journey to becoming healthy, physically, emotionally, spiritually can be very selfish at times. It requires that you take the time out of your busy lives as men and women, employees, partners, husband & wives, mothers and fathers and do some work on just you, for you.
Last weekend I travelled to Vancouver Island for my annual girls getaway. It’s at a spa and I travel there with my high school girlfriends. Yes, it’s wonderfully indulgent - massages and facials, hottubbing and good food. It is also the gift of time to myself. (www.kingfisherspa.com)
In this month’s newsletter, I refer to the process it takes to get to a healthy weight and space in your life. I outline that you must have a) clear and precise intention b) action c) feedback and d) honest assessment. This requires time. Time to just you. For me, it means peace and quiet.
My annual trip gives me this time to reflect on my previous year. Where am I in my getting healthy journey? What do I want to improve upon? What do I need to let go of? How am I going to do this? Can I break it down to steps? What worked this year? What didn’t? How do I feel? Am I strong and healthy, focused and confident? Am I unsure? Am I at peace with my decisions?
I could answer these questions as I ran along side the coast, while I was getting my massage, or relaxing during my facial. My world was quiet then - no cellphone, no computer, no tv. It was the “gift of time” for honest reflection.
On the Saturday night, I commented to my girlfriends that it was daylight savings time…and my one girlfriend Jean - a busy Mom and very successful businesswoman exclaimed - “The gift of time - an extra hour”. Such a wonderful and rare commodity in our busy lives!
On Sunday, after a wonderful workout in the gym, breakfast and laughter with my dear friends, we quietly loaded into the airport shuttle for our respective flights home. My one friend expressed how happy she was to be going home to see her family. I was quiet. I love my family, but I was not quite done with my reflecting and assessment. I quietly admitted that I could use one more day. My friend Jean admitted the same. No guilt just the truth. We both needed more time.
At the airport we stood in line. Quiet. The agents at the counter were frantically working at the computer and when Jean and I arrived at the desk, they announced that Calgary flights had been cancelled and we would have to stay another day. We whooped - “The gift of time!”.
The gift of time; precious, meaningful and necessary. On your journey, make sure you give yourself the gift of time so that you are able to give yourself the most honest and courageous assessment of what IS working and what IS NOT working at making you healthy.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 12:29 pm
There is a lot of love behind a “no”.
Self Sabotage. Self-destruction. Call it what you like…many of us do this.
Yesterday on Oprah, I heard a Mom comment on her parenting style. She said she believed in discipline and that there was “alot of love behind a no”. I stopped dead in my tracks. There is alot of love behind a no. That applies to us, you know. Those of us who have felt undeserving of health, who have derailed our own efforts, who have succeeded…and then succeeded to undo all of our hard work, we don’t believe we deserve health - a healthy body, mind, spirit or weight.
It tied in beautifully with something else I heard on the weekend. A quote from the movie “Akeela and the Bee”. It was on the wall of the characters mentor and it goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are ALL meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” MaryAnne Williamson
We self-destruct, self-sabotage, undo our hard work because we are afraid to shine. We are afraid to be all that we can be. The world tells us all the time that we can’t be this…that…and the other thing. People will gladly tell you all that is wrong with you, all that you should do differently, and they rarely tell you what is right. No one, but noone, tears us down more that we do ourselves. If I were to ask each of you what you didn’t like about your bodies, selves, personality, habits…I would bet that most people would answer very quickly and have many responses. If I were to ask you what was brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous about yourself - would it take you awhile to think about it? Would you hesitate, list only a few, be doubtful? Why?
If we shine, become healthy and take that step towards all that we can be - how do we stay there?
We stay there by doing the work on the “inside”; in our heads, hearts and spirit. We nurture and heal if we need to. We build up - not tear down. We dust off and learn to forgive - ourselves. We learn to love ourselves by saying “no” to those self-destructive thoughts, actions and emotions that stifle us.
And then we shine. We liberate ourselves from the fear that grips our lives - pain, hurt, humiliation - and we shine from the inside out. The people who surround you will become shining stars too…and you will attract people who build you up with love and support. They will be liberated from their fears and find their shine too. You will teach and lead by example when you learn to love yourself by saying “no” to self-destruction, self sabotage and self-hatred.
Be strong in spirit and do the work on the inside.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 9:28 pm
If you can be anything in the world, be yourself
I’m sitting in the local coffee shop, watching large white snowflakes fall outside the window as I write this.
I’m at the coffee shop for two reasons. Firstly, it’s my soul fix. For those of us in the world who are people watchers, a coffee shop is the perfect place to be one, especially on a cool and snowy day. All sorts of characters enter into this warm haven - our local heroes - firefighters and paramedics, the CEO of a national bank, students playing hookie from school, a retired principal grabbing a few moments to read, professional musicians having a lazy Monday, the local horticulturist enjoying a “rest” day. Laughter amongst the tables, hellos and deep conversation dot the room. Smiles from the people behind the counter say “welcome” and I get inspired while enjoying a tasty “Snakebite” coffee.
The second reason why I’ve come here is because on cool, glum, snowy days, I seek comfort. Quite often that comfort comes in the form of food and I found myself “hunting” in my pantry. I’m not hungry or thirsty, but that didn’t stop me from scouring my cupboards in search of something that would wrap my heart and soul in reassuring memories….like oatmeal cookies. Yes, there they were in my cookie jar, complete with chocolate chips. MMMMMM….Perfect. And as my hand was dipping into that jar, I caught myself. “Stephanie, what are you doing?” I had a logical answer..”I’m having a cookie. I’m playing volleyball tonight. I can afford a cookie.”
Therein lies the problem. I could afford a cookie. I also know that on days like today, one cookie isn’t going to do. It’s not a hunger I’m trying to fill. I’m trying to recreate a feeling, an emotion, an experience and if I use cookies to do it - not only will I recreate that feeling, but also the guilt, anger, disappointment and potentional mild depression that follows by not making the healthiest choice for my body.
I want to feel warm. I want to feel safe. I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel in control and not overwhelmed by work. I want to feel good. How do I recreate that without food?
Experts say that a craving lasts for an average of 4-6 minutes. This isn’t a craving. I don’t want a specific food. Sure the cookies look good and they would do. For a minute. Then it would be the peanut butter, or the banana muffins, or the cheese.
If this was a craving or a problem food, I would recommend to people to remove the “red light” food from the house. Again, it’s not the food I’m after. I’m trying to recreate a feeling and my memory tells me food is a part of that. Ultimately, nothing I eat is going to satisfy that.
So, I remove myself from the house. I recognize and acknowledge the feeling and it’s “root cause” (avoidance). I talk to some people and friends at the coffee shop. I remind myself that health is my ultimate goal and to do that, I need to get my emotional eating under control. I blog and share my feelings with you. Lastly, I remind myself that I am a work in progress and this is all about learning how to deal with different situations and emotions.
As I finish writing this, another character enters and leaves the coffee shop. She’s dressed in her white winter coat and starts humming loudly to herself as she waits for her coffee. The weather isn’t bringing her down…in fact, the music in her heart can’t help but come out.
I love the coffee shop. It’s where people, me included, can be anything in the world, including our emotionally food challenged selves.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 4:25 pm
Attitude is Gratitude
Thanksgiving is over…and in my mind, I renamed the holiday. Yes, I know I’m taking liberty, but I renamed it “Giving thanks”.
I had the opportunity to spend Givingthanks with 4 other families at a beautiful chalet in Fernie, BC this past weekend. It was a weekend of laughter, copious amounts of food, fresh air, first and seconds. Now, what do I mean by firsts and seconds? More on that in a bit.
While enjoying the company and commaraderie of my new American friends, I had the opportunity to move my body. Exercise is an INTEGRAL part of the getting healthy program. We MUST move our bodies. No, you don’t need to run marathons, climb mountains or become a body builder. You do, however, need to move your body for at least 30 minutes everyday. You can change your food all you want, you can add exercise and not change your food all you want, but unless you do both, fitness, health and permanent weightloss will allude you. Period.
I went trail running with a new found friend Kristin. Kristin is a half-marathoner, originally from Texas but now living in Canada. I found her awe-inspiring. Why? Because she is a mom of 3 amazing young men, wife to a hardworking, committed executive, an a professional herself - and most importantly, because she radiates health. She recognizes the importance of moving her body for fitness of mind and spirit - and because it sets a heck of a good example for her wonderful children. Their love of adventure and sport is evident - and she is a part of that. How many teenage boys can say their Mom would gladly go mountainbiking with them?
As we ran the trails of the mountains in Fernie (a first), I was struck by how my body moves so much differently than 5 years ago. How? Well, it moves quickly. It moves fluidly. It moves with strength. I can’t wait for you to experience that! Confidence in your body and how it can move.
Another first for me also happened this past weekend also. At the age of 39, I experienced mountain biking for the first time. Big deal? Yes! To come down the mountain, you must first go UP the mountain. A feat for even the fittest of people. Once there, to manouevre the trail, roots, logs, holes while barreling down the side of the mountain, brakes smoking in my case, made me realize once again that it was ”givingthanks” weekend. I was “giving thanks” for my muscles, my endurance, my body. Thank you for remembering to move and breathe after I abused you so badly with food. Thank you for allowing me to experience another “first” at 39.
My second during “giving thanks” day was the memorial service of a dear old friend, Bruce. Bruce was a high school classmate of mine. Humourous and sensitive, energetic and intelligent, he was the consummate friend and confidante. We lost touch over the years, but reconnected at our 20th high school reunion last year. This was a second, because Bruce was the second classmate who’s funeral I had attended because they could no longer stand to be here on earth.
Bruce had made a life list as a child. I’m a firm believer in life lists. If it’s written down, like a food journal, it seems so much more committed. In his short 39 years, Bruce had achieved all his life list (ie. swimming in the ocean, jumping out of a plane) except for 3 things: to catch a dragon, to be an astronaut and to find “treasure”. It was a truly poignant moment when Bruce’s love eulagized that Bruce had almost completed his list, but he in fact never realized that he was actually the “treasure” to be found. I’m “givingthanks” for the treasure of Bruce in my life.
His death teaches me many things. It teaches me that when I’m troubled, challenged, concerned, confused, angry, stubborn, overwhelmed and all those other emotions that I can feel in a day - that “givingthanks” is what I should be doing - because I can feel. I can deal with it. I can work through it. I can move. I can breathe. I am.
Kristin said to me on Sunday evening when I remarked how thrilled I was to experience mountain biking for the first time and that my body was able to do it “Stephanie, the attitude is gratitude”. She is right. Let our attitudes be gratitude everyday…not just on “givingthanks” day.
This blog is dedicated to Bruce Braham - a light in my life. 1967 - 2006.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 3:06 pm
Today, I am blessed because I have you in my life.
I’m not exactly the touchy feely type. It’s true. In fact, many would call me (Dear Hubby) a black and white kind of person. Over the years, I’ve had a hard time accepting “soft” self-improvements-heck, I can barely stand doing yoga (yes, I consider that touchy feely). That being said, I firmly believe being kind to ourselves and speaking positively about ourselves is very important.
Being negative, constantly putting ourselves down, takes a lot of energy. What is truly sad to me is when I see someone who actually believes all that negative “garbage”. You know those people-in fact, maybe you are one. When you punish yourself with negative beliefs, you buy into more negativity. We become over-dependant on others to receive our positive reinforcement, instead of looking within. It feeds our lack of self worth, poor body image. It immobilizes us, stopping us from taking risks, wanting to change and allows us to be the victim. We stop seeing anything positive in life, instead life becoming full of doom and gloom. We begin to feel sorry for ourselves all the time, having a great “pity party”. “Yes - but” becomes our excuse mantra whenever we try to change our lives. “Yes, I should exercise, but I don’t have time” “Yes, I could make a healthier choice, but I had a bad day at work”. Believing in negativity, all that garbage that runs through our heads if we allow it, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “I can’t lose weight. It never works” will in fact, be true. We will, at a sub-conscious level, work to achieve the worst-and fulfill our lives with failure, rejection, loss, disapproval-or anything else we might consider a personal catastrophe.
Part of getting healthy is taking care of the heart, mind and soul. We wouldn’t consider insulting someone close to us, putting someone else down, being disrespectful to the people we care about in our lives. Why is it acceptable to do that to ourselves??? IT’S NOT.
Positive, caring and respectful messages are what we need to repeat to ourselves daily. Self-affirmations are HEALING. They are messages that enable us to take responsibility for our health. They give us permission to grow, to change, take risks and create a better life for ourselves. Positive affirmations give us a chance to achieve our full potential.
I do this daily with three statements. I am: (is usually a statement of who I am) i.e. I am strong. I am caring. I am forgiving. I am capable.
I can: (is a statement of my potential) i.e. I can be assertive. I can let go of fear. I can succeed.
I will: (is a statement of positive changes in my life) I will make healthy choices today. I will take a moment to breathe deeply when I am stressed. I will take care of me today.
I encourage you to start small with these “I” statements. They will help you in your journey towards health. Steph
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 11:01 pm
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