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Believe in the process…
When I decided that I really needed to make some changes in my life, all aspects of my life - I realized that I needed a process. I love process. I love order. I love to goal set. When I can break things down and climb and reach each step - I am motivated. I am motivated to keep going, believe in myself more and to know that I can do things that I never thought possible. To lose weight, I broke it down….5lbs at a time or the next 5 or 0 - whichever came first. First, I learned about food/nutrition/portion control, then I added exercise, then I attacked the most difficult part - the emotional side of eating. Step by step, process.
On New Years Eve, I attended a party. At the party was a woman I knew as an acquaintance. I actually know her husband better. For a Christmas gift, he had given her a marathon training class. She was a casual runner who had “casually mentioned” that she would like to run a marathon someday (she was thinking outloud). He thought this would be a great gift. She was telling me about this with some trepidation. It would require time, hardwork, energy and a 45minute drive to train with a group of strangers. I was in awe. Wow! A marathon - less than 1% of 1% of the population run marathons - 42.2k. She was going to do it.
I run but I don’t race. Why? I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I won’t be physically or mentally strong enough. Then my friend Carol said to me “But Stephanie, less than 1% of 1% run a marathon, how many people do you think lose 160lbs and keep it off?” I couldn’t answer her. Why was I stopping myself from even trying?
I am now training for the Vancouver marathon. Every week, my new friend and I drive to train with a group of committed runners…and I am terrified. When I think about it - scared out of my skin. But, I believe in process. I believe that these instructors who lead the course, have run numerous marathons themselves, know what they are talking about. I believe that I can learn. I believe that as each week goes by, I can run a bit further. I believe.
Yesterday, I ran around the Glenmore Resevoir (17km) with my new friends. Can I run 42.2k…? I’m not thinking about it - but I can run 19k…and I’ll do that next week. Process. Step by step. Each time I run a new distance - I know that I can run a little bit more.
Will my body hold up? Will my spirit hold up? How do I nourish it when I run that far? I don’t know - but I am learning and each time I learn something more…I believe.
Believe in process. Believe in you.
If we get out of our own way…we often find our own way.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 2:37 pm
Knowledge is power…
I’ve been invited to speak to a group of students this week on a most interesting and contraversial topic. Obesity. Not just obesity, but whether or not people who are obese (a controllable risk factor) should have to pay higher health care premiums or be denied non emergency medical care for a weight related issues. The students will then have to debate both sides of the issue. My goal - to educate them.
Wow! Heavy topic. When it was first mentioned to me, I was shocked by the audacity of the topic. It offended me on so many levels that I was beside myself. I soon realized, it was the opportunity to educate young minds on empathy, compassion, relations.
Many people will say and I agree - that obesity is the last form of “acceptable” bias/criticism. Take for example the latest tyrade in the news of Donald Trump against Rosie O’Donnell. His very public attack of her physical appearance was the perfect example. Were people outraged? Some, but not enough. His criticism put “fat”, “slob” “disgusting” all in the same sentence. Gee Donald, tell us what you really think about overweight people?!
So, my goal this week? To educate these young minds on what it is like to be a morbidly obese person in this world. How people treat you and look at you. How it is to move and breathe at the same time. How it is physically - rashes, aches and pains. How the medical community treats you. And then to educate them on life as a “healthy” person…a comparison. At the end of the presentation, I’ll introduce them to the person who suffered those experiences as an overweight person - me. Now that you know me, would you treat me differently?
My intent - to create empathy, compassion and to make them think. Is it really right to alienate these people due to their obesity when society already treats us differently? Could we not promote and support healthier living instead ? Educate and encourage, build up instead of tearing down?
Life throws us interesting curves and I look forward to this opportunity to spread some kindness in the world.
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 2:29 pm
Live your true self…
Back in December, at a conference for professional speakers, a well known American speaker gave me some advice. She said “Your story is remarkable and you tell it with passion, but you need to help people figure out why they need to lose weight”.
I was dumbfounded. I hadn’t thought about that. As a morbidly obese person, it never occured to me that I didn’t have to lose weight. All my life I had been large - I always knew, even as a child that I needed to lose weight.
We know. You know. I don’t have to tell you. You know if you are missing out on life because of your weight. You know if it’s hard to breathe, walk, talk and move. Not being able to keep up with your children, ashamed to wear a bathing suit, always buying black clothing…you know. You live, know and understand the “numbers”.
In retrospect, I now realize what she was saying to me. “Stephanie, help people discover why losing weight is important enough to them to stick it out - through the tough times and to believe that they can accomplish this.” That’s what she was saying to me…and here’s what I share with you.
It’s true…YOU are the only person who can take this trip, journey, path - whatever you choose to call it…the road to health. But YOU are not the sole reason for doing it. Look around, what do you see?
When I had my light bulb moment, I was explaining to my children how to escape out of our bilevel home in case of fire. Have I mentioned my children are beautiful…big blue eyes, deep and soulful. As I showed them where the fire escape ladder was kept, I realized in that moment, I couldn’t fit out the window. I would not be able to save my life. They saw it in my eyes…the realization that I might not be able to save them either…and would not be around afterward to take care of them. WHAT HAVE I DONE????? literally screamed in my head at that moment. My years of selfishness, eating what and when I wanted, not moving, not living was causing everyone to pay a price - everyone I loved and adored.
Here is it….it’s not about you. It’s all about the people who love you. Fortunately, you will benefit from a healthy life…but in the end, so will they, because you will start to live one again.
That’s what keeps me going through the tough times. Three beautiful, innocent faces to whom I am the world. Two sons who need to know their Mother is strong, fit and healthy - capable of making her dreams come true. Sons who know that beauty is only skin deep and that a healthy body and mind are important. A daughter who knows that her self-worth is not determined by her body image and who sees herself and strong, capable and confident. The full meal deal.
They are my anchors…the motivators who keep me moving forward to I can live to see them live their lives. Only I can do this, but it’s not all about me. I am accountable to them. I am their world.
To whom are you the world?
Filed under: Thoughts — Stephanie @ 4:54 pm
